About 6 months after I had my third daughter I began experiencing severe mood swings.  I would go from being perfectly content, even laughing, to crying for the smallest thing.  I would also experience moments of rage where I would blow up at my children when they didn’t listen to me and do what I asked of them several times.

When my husband would come home from work, usually after the girls and I had already eaten dinner, I would confess to him what had happened.  I went as far as to have suicidal thoughts, and worse than that, of possibly taking my children’s lives.  I knew that was not good, but felt out of control


If I didn’t change soon, I could’ve been one of those cases of “Mom drowns her kids in the bathtub”on the local evening news.  I was desperate to get help, but was afraid to tell anyone else, other than my husband. 

I finally cried out to God and he sent a Godly woman that would watch my girls just so I could go out by myself and collect my thoughts, and get some exercise, which I knew I needed in order to start my recovery process.  Because of my mental and physical state, I had asked God to not let me get pregnant again, if I was going to feel like I was going to lose my mind and possibly hurt myself or my three girls. 

So, my guess has been that the reason why we haven’t had another child of our own, since then ,is because that might have just happened.  I’ve always believed that.  But, I have hope that it might not be the case because if we do ever, by some miracle, have another child, I will trust God to get me through whatever comes my way.

After diagnosing myself and confirming with my doctor, I realized I was experiencing a severe case of Postpartum Depression.  

I am in a much better place now. But, I didn’t think I would ever get here.  I felt like I had fallen in a deep pit and there was no way out.  I came to realize that I had a valid medical condition, but it was also in my mind, and I could change my reaction to my physical illness.  

With the support of my husband and God’s strength, I started going to a bible study, again, with ladies that I trusted with my problem.  I also started reading a book on depression called, “Overcoming Anxiety and Depression. Practical Tools to Help You Deal with Negative Emotions” by Bob Phillips.  All of these things combined, and a lot of prayer I was able to do just that, overcome it.  That was a long time ago, but I know that it’s something that I have to keep at the forefront of my mind.  I am thankful every day that I didn’t give in to my flesh and give up on my family or life. 

Every choice I made for the better helped get me to where I am, but I have to keep making the choice to hold on to the hope that comes from following God.  He never let me down, even when I wanted to quit.  Everyday His mercies sustained me.  Little by little I was able to see myself in a better state of mind.  In turn, that helped me to reflect on my life.  I don’t ever want to feel that way again.  But, if that ever happens again, I know deep in my soul that God will sustain me.

Until God says otherwise, we’re thankful to have our three healthy and mostly happy and lovely girls.

Since my youngest daughter was born in 2007, I have gone from having no hope in feeling emotionally “normal” again, to “Waiting in Expectation!”


After waking up from a very positive dream recently, I had a high sense of hope, and I was reminded to continue choosing to be hopeful in all circumstances.

The only real reason I am still here and able to share this with you is because I put my hope in someone who can never let me down.  But, even after I did that, I still “felt” hopeless.

But, it wasn’t because He wasn’t able to get me out of my despair.  It was because I was choosing to go with my “feelings” instead of obeying His truths.  It wasn’t until I started to believe that with God nothing is impossible.  I had to take steps that reflected that belief.

An ancient Jewish proverb says, “For what a man thinks in his mind, he is.”

I chose, every day, to believe the truth over my feelings.  God was transforming me into the person I am today through my circumstances and the consequences of other peoples choices.  But, I still had a choice.

I chose to finally open up and share my dilemma with women in my bible study group, despite what I thought they would think of me.  That wasone of the first steps that brought me to where I am today.

As the Psalmist David says in Psalm 5:3 , “Every morning I lay my request before you and wait in expectation.”  He is saying that when we give everything, even the most painful thing we are experiencing, at God’s throne, in Jesus’ name, there is hope!

“I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.”

(Psalm 121:1-2, www.Biblegateway.com )



What are you afraid to let God have?  If you want Him to use all of you, then you must surrender all to Him.  He has the power to make you a new creation and transform your way of thinking…to hope!

Do you have Postpartum Depression or Anxiety?


PPD is a serious emotional and physical condition that should not be left unchecked.  If you are experiencing any of the following symptoms or know of someone who is, please get help.  Here are some resources you can look into to help yourself or give to someone else.  Don’t wait

Call on the Lord to guide you to the right place, then call on someone that can help you through it, while there is time.​ 

Click on the following link for more information from Postpartum Progress, a Non-profit organization that

 "exists to provide peer-to-peer support." 


Click here for a list of Symptoms of Postpartum Depression.


​Click here for Postpartum Depression Support Organizations (Worldwide)


Click here for Postpartum Depression Support Organizations (US and Canada only)



My Story

 The information on this site is for educational, advocacy purposes only. 

 It is not intended to diagnose or treat any medical or psychological condition. 

 Please consult your own health care provider for individual advice regarding your specific situation and needs.

 

 "When life gives you manure and dirt, give it back to God so he may place it in the garden of your heart’s home, where through the breath of  His spirit, you may experience true life, and grow deep and rooted in His love, and eventually bear the fruit of His love for you and your love  for others." (Mindfulness, May 10, 2017 Blog at www.4gillgirl.wordpress.com

​​Socorro Gill ​- Confessions of a Mother's Heart 

Motherhood, Education, Faith & Family


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PPD is a serious emotional and physical condition that should not be left unchecked.  If you are experiencing any of the following symptoms or know of someone who is, please get help.  Here are some resources you can look into to help yourself or give to someone else.  Don’t wait

Call on the Lord to guide you to the right place, then call on someone that can help you through it, while there is time.​ 

Click on the following link for more information from Postpartum Progress, a Non-profit organization that

 "exists to provide peer-to-peer support." 


Click here for a list of Symptoms of Postpartum Depression and Anxiety.


​Click here for Postpartum Depression Support Organizations (Worldwide)


Click here for Postpartum Depression Support Organizations (US and Canada only)